I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm jealous of your bromance
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
