does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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