clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
