a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
