I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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