I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
