I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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