I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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