when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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