I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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