Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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