and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
