There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
