shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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