Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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