I think my vagina is haunted
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Randomize
