Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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