Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
actually, I'm a sock model
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
