Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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