Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
