How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
