so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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