Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
