I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
