"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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