Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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