I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
