I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
