turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
