Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
