I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
