I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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