dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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