I accidentally burped into my bong.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
