sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
