is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
