After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
