Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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