Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
