She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
