butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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