true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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