lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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