i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
