Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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