Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
