My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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