You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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