Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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