i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
