god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
