his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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