I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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