I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
