Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
