think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
