So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
