The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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