I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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