Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(858): View more from California

i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth

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(503): View more from Oregon

i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.

Fav 15 821 5225
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(512): View more from Texas

I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.

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(519): View more from Ontario

Clothes are such an inconvenience.

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(419): View more from Ohio

I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?

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(770): View more from Georgia

I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.

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(317): View more from Indiana

We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt

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(708): View more from Illinois

I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.

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(519): View more from Ontario

You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs

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