my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just puked most of my soul out..
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