I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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