i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
