I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
