FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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