I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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