It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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