I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Sorry about my life...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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