Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
