OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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