So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
